I heard on the radio today that it is Blue Monday - the official, most depressing day of the year. Mainly because of all the stuff we chastise ourselves about: we spent too much money over Christmas, we don't have any vacation days left or money to go anywhere, we ate too much and exercised too little over the holidays and the scale is living proof of this, and we've already forgotten our New Year's Resolutions, (and thereby have given up on ourselves early in the year).
I gave up on the idea of setting New Year's Resolutions a few years ago, and never looked back. I'm choosing instead to try to live each day being a little kinder to myself. To try and be a little less perfectionistic. To try and allow my emotions to come fourth and be heard, even if they aren't the most comfortable feelings to be felt. And to do all of this without making it something that I can/will fail at - if I forget and berate myself for something or get stuck in old patterns, I just take a deep breath and gently remind myself to start over with the intention of kindness and flexibility leading the charge.
Today is the first day that I am not at my beloved job that I've held for the past year. I'm finished now and officially on my own. I'm feeling a bittersweet range of emotions that shift all over the place several times a day. It's scary and exciting at the same time to be facing a new challenge, taking my first steps in a direction that I've been thinking about for a long time.
Everyday can be the first day of something new. I decided today, after getting some good advice from someone close to me, that I need to try to start writing more consistently without worrying about if it is perfect, that I don't have anything profound to say, that I'll be putting myself out there and subject to criticism and judgement. I love to write and it's very clarifying and healing for me. The advice I was given that I've taken to heart is that it's better to write something imperfectly, more frequently, than to not write at all until divine inspiration strikes me. By writing more often, my writing will hopefully develop and my voice will get stronger and clearer, and I'll connect with more people along the way, which is what I am ultimately wanting to do. I don't yet have a clear vision of how I want to write and what mix of personal experiences vs professional focus I want to include, which is why I have been holding back. But I am going to try to let it unfold and evolve as it will, and feel okay about letting it be seen even if it's not the perfect clear vision I'd like it to be.
How does this circle back to Blue Monday? I wonder if we were all a little less rigid, a little more self-compassionate and forgiving, a little more flexible, a little less guarded, and a little more open to taking things as they come, if the mountain of stuff to be depressed about would seem a little less ominous. Everyday can be the first day of something new.